I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
