Can Purell be used as lube?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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