oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm like, not good at living.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
