HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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