It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
