She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
