I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
