Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
