she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize