At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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