What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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