if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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