im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
