it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
being pregnant is like rehab
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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