there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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