The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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