how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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