Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Less talking, more tequila
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
