I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
