You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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