You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
