Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
