so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
