I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
