there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
