she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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