i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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