you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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