I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
