All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
