Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
