I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My liver just had a heart attack.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
