i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
