I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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