what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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