So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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