I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
