final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
