I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
