the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize