You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
