You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
