The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
