he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
