I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
