david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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