come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
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perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize