the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
