I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
