So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I didn't notice because vodka
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
