He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
