Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
