One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
