Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
