we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
