I bet he comes in French.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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