god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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