I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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