i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
