Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
