Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
