You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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