areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
