Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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