party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.